I'm a fan of boys. Really, I am.
It's been easy to become a bit jaded over the past year towards the opposite sex, but the other night I had a small encounter that revived the girl in me.
It was nothing, really. An evening with a boy, whom I will probably never see again [and that's
ok], but I was attracted to him. He's a friend of a friend of a friend and absolutely nothing remarkable happened that evening, but I'm simply excited that I finally found myself interested in someone, if only for the evening.
No, strike that, what I'm really excited about is that, despite my interest, I refused to resort to my normal desperation.
See, here's the thing, I'm a people
pleaser. Parents. Teachers. Peers. Bosses. But especially boys I like. Which seems like it would be a good thing, but ultimately, it's not.
Here's the
scenario [and it's happens every time]: I'm a shy girl, always have been. So whenever I find myself intrigued by a certain boy, my routine has been to try my hardest to get him to notice me without actually striking up a
conversation. This little dance usually includes the overt hinting that I would be the perfect sort of girl for him. Now, I'm secure enough that I never out and out lie about my interests or capabilities, but I'm an actress, I give 'em what they want. If I can see they're more into the
girly girl, I'll give them my
girlish giggles. He likes his women low key? I've got that too.
To a certain extent, I think everyone does this during the courting dance. However, I've been known to do it to the point of exhaustion. I'll let one misjudgement of what a guy is looking for occupy my thoughts for hours, sometimes days.
But not anymore.
That's actually one of the glorious side effects of falling in love with your life [and with yourself], suddenly the opinions of others really and truly don't matter as much. AND the thought of having a boyfriend becomes a debate about whether or not said person is really great enough to give up your soul possession of the bed/remote/apartment/etc. Trust me, after almost seven years of sharing, you become rather selfish once you remember what it feels like to be in total control.
Anyway, back to the boy. He was cute, intriguing [even despite some rather unsavory boyish bragging] and my immediate reaction was to try to show him what a perfect girl I could be. To agree with him
every time he spoke and to be fun and flirtatious. This, I did not do. Instead, I simply treated him like I would any of my male friends. I laughed when he was funny. I expressed annoyance when I felt it. And I ultimately stopped worrying about what he might think of me.
The result? I had fun. I felt comfortable. And even though nothing happened, I'm not still thinking about what I could have done to make him notice me. Either I attract your attention or I don't. End of story. Take me or leave me exactly as I am.
